Unc Sucks, Duke Rules

Tar Heels
Ladies and Gentlemen: Welcome to Cyber SAT 1,000.

The Intercollegiate College Athletic Aptitude (ICAA) Organization has requested this {cyber-SAT} test to be used in its
future polling and data compiling services.

Please answer the following questions: All are multipule choice:
QUESTION # 1{ Who is the only coach to ever be ejected from a Final Four?
A. Jerry Tarkanian
B. Hulk Hogan
C. Dean Smith
D.Sylvia Hatchell
QUESTION # 2 Who is the only assistant coach in NCAA Basketball to attempt to assault the referee who ejected that
teams head coach?
A. Elderly retiree
B. The Mummy
C. Bill Guthridge
D. Mr Spock.

QUESTION # 3 When a UNC co-ed wakes up in the morning she:
A. Goes home.

B. Grazes
C.Collects her Money and leaves the motel
D.Realizes she wasn’t left any money and gets throw in jail for not being able to pay for the motel room
QUESTION # 4 Unc’s main recruiting areas in the 1990’s are:
A. Europe
B. Central Prison-
C.Outer Space
D. all of the above
QUESTION # 5 The reason the Dean Smith Center seats over 20,000 is:
A. More fat cats to pay more moola
B.Needed an arena with a large air space to fit all those egos inside it.

C.Needed more space to shove the students back to.

D.Stick the Tax Payers with a higher maintence fee thus ensuring a tax write-off since the dump loses money every
year.

QUESTION # 6 The Toughest course for the Mens UNC Basketball team is:
A. Basketweaving 101
B. Study Hall
C. Maps 101 (to help locate where tiny schools are that beat them in the Tourney)
D. rebounding 101 (for Haywood)
QUESTION # 7 in order to get season tickets and a good seat to UNC Men’s Home Games one must:
A. Order a season ticket package and make a 300,000 dollar donation to the coffers.

B. Promise to car pool so the parking lot won’t be so confusing with 20,000 Lexus and BMW’S all over the place
C.Be able to lift your nose a few inches higher than the average canary.

D.Promise not to cheer loudly so you won’t hurt Mrs Thurstons ears.

QUESTION # 8 Head to Head Games mean so much to Tarheel fans because:
A. It helps them forget previous failures
B.They think it has something to do with Linda Lovelace.

C.hey, if Bill does it why can’t they?
D.It’s the only comeback they have when Duke and Kentucky fans discuss team of the 90’s
QUESTION # 9 Bill Guthridge is a favorite coach amongst the other ACC fans because:
A. The man hasn’t seen and X or an O since he played tic-tac-toe as a child
B. He reminds them that they’re really not over the hill.

C. He’s helped Duke recruit another stockpile of talent.

D. They all want to keep embarrassing the Heels.

QUESTION # 10 what are 10 major differences between Duke and UNC FANS:
1. Duke Camping Out
UNC Leaving Early.

2.Duke- Parking Improvements paid for with alumni donations.

UNC-Parking improvements paid for with 1.2 million dollars in taxpayer money
3. Duke: Valedictorians
UNC: Marginal Qualifiers
4. Duke: Going to Games to see Basketball.

UNC: Going to Games to be seen
5. Duke:Disdainful fans
UNC: Fans with massive inferiority complex
6. Duke: Three National Defensive Players Of The Year
UNC:Greatest Defensive Accomplishment: Coach holds Jordan under 20 ppg.

7. Duke: Cameron Chaos
UNC: Golf claps
8. Duke: Players majoring in History and Pre-med
UNC: Players majoring in General studies
9.Duke: The Cameron Crazies
UNC: The Fat-Cat alumni
10. Duke: Competitive admissions
UNC: decent pulse? you’re in!!
QUESTION # 11 what is the top crime amongst Unc Basketball Players Historically:
A. Beat UP Girlfriends
B. Beat up someone in a bar
C. resisting arrest
D.all of the above and more
QUESTION # 12 Unc fans hate Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski because:
A.Has a better Final Four record than any coach they’ve ever had
B.won his 2 before Dean
C.Steals their recruits on a consistent basis these days which is something NCSU could never do.

D. Triple Crown has increased the rabid hatred 10 fold.

QUESTION # 13 Name the top 5 weapons and suspects most commonly accused in the Board Game called CLUE
A. Col Mustard- ROPE
B. Mrs Peacock-REVOLVER
C. JEff Mcinnis- LEADPIPE
D. Professer Plum-POISON
QUESTION # 14, what are the top 5 things UNC fans will be doing this spring
A.attacking Duke
B.Praying to Buddha,Koran,Bible, that Brand and Avery turn pro
C.searching all the maps in the public libraries to find out once and for all where the Hell weber state actually is
D.Convincing themselves that another great crop of incoming recruits at Duke either:
A ALL SUCK
B OR THEY DIDN’T WANT THEM ANYWAY
QUESTION #15 what on average are UNC fans favorite films:
A. Silence of the Lambs
B.The Exorcist
C.Rudy
D. Bride Of Chucky/ Gone with the wind= tie
Sports and Games Essays