BAD WRITING EXAMPLES
Read the sample essays and familiarize yourself with common errors in grammar and sentence structure. Each essay is followed with annotations about what makes it so bad, except the last essay. Rewrite the essay correcting the mistakes and improving the essay, paying particular attention to grammar errors.
Sample Essay 1
The question is can any obstacle or disadvantage be turned into something good?Yesit can, because even in the story he couldn’t get in because of the chair and the guy tells him if it’s a drama, “Smash it and if it’s a comedy fall over it. But when you think about it, if a girl was guilty and was pleading to say on how she wasinocentand they catch her in a lie its practically the same thing. But that’s not the point but you can change a negative into a positive someway.
_________________ Annotations _________________
This essay lacks a viable, coherent point of view on the issue. The writer attempts to explain that “you can change a negative into a positive,” but the ideas provided are minimal and disorganized, resulting in a disjointed and, at times, incoherent essay (Yes it can….Butwhen you think about it, if a girl was guilty and was pleading to say on how she wasinocentand they catch her in a lie its practically the same thing). The response demonstrates flawed reasoning, no complexity of thought and displays fundamental errors in sentence structure (But that’s not the point but you can change…). Demonstrating no mastery, this essay receives a score of 1.
Sample Essay 2
Sample Essay #1 – Score of 2 I live in a house thatevery bodyin it came from acting. I remember my mom telling me this it you in findyour selfbad situation, don’t forget your smile with “you”. I think shementthatwhat everis the difficulty think always positive. For an example, I grow up in place that fullwithbadpoepleand one timesome bodytry toconvinseme to smoke. And smoking it very bad thing.SoI started to telljoukeson people thatcanserand after 2 minutes I change the subject. Or that every time I am getting sick and fill not so good. I am trying to see comedy movies as much as I can. Because I have been told that comedy is the best cure. I think that as an actor on the stage you need to be always ready for somethingrong, and if you ready andprepard. It will be good and life foryour selfin you all life and not only there. This experienceimportentfor yourbenfits, always a positive person and people will love you and get along with you. This mark it the best.
_________________ Annotations _________________
This essay presents an extremely vague point of view on the issue. The writer discusses the value of thinking “always positive,” but the ideas provided are unclear, demonstrating weak critical thinking (For an example . . . one time somebody try toconvinseme to smoke. And smoking it very bad thing.SoI started to telljoukeson people thatcanserand after 2 minutes I change the subject). The response contains numerous and significant errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation and mechanics (. . . you need to be always ready for somethingrong, and if you ready andprepard. It will be good and life foryour selfin you all life and not only there). Demonstrating very little mastery, this essay receives a score of 2.
Sample Essay 3
This sentence is perfect because you must believe that you should have a positive mindset to prevail in a dangerous situation. If you put your mind to it, you will succeed in life. Also in a terrible position, you must think right and focus on being prosperous. I have three examples from my experience, for instance, a basketball player and I have a lot of challenging games that push us to the limit and make us want to give up. I always think positive things before every game
