Mother Day
MOTHERS DAY…. While being pregnant , and having to tell the loved ones around me was major. I had also been suffering from a very deadly and hereditary disease, I was what some people call a functional alcoholic . And now finding out that I was also pregnant. While my disease was never a big deal to me and my life style. It was now a big change I was not prepared for, and there would be changes I could never prepare for. I couldn’t sleep, hot and cold sweats, withdraw, and shakes. It was now a struggle every day. Have to get out of bed after no sleep the night before, Attending work, having to be accountable for my actions.
While most people call me “P” for short they know called me “2P” for two people and two many personalities. It was like being bipolar ok one minute and mad the next, and sometimes crying for no reasons. The Mother’s Day that would change my life for ever. As the weeks slowly went by I had wonder on my mind. Not knowing where to start. Who could I or should I turn to? I held this new battle with in, that would forever change my life. Then it like who could I tell? Scare that if some knew they would walk way. The feeling of all this coming at once, with no support. I final came to face the truth. I was having a baby.
While what I though would have been a total disappointment to many finally would never cross mind again. It was a very early morning in may 2010. I drove to the closest all purpose drug store. To find out that I though I might of had some choices before this, but now I have to make all the decision to deal with my next steps. Which test is the best. Single, double, triple pack? Where would I go to take the test? Would I do this all on my own? I was crying for help in side. I knew finally at this point that I needed some help. I took my self to Linn Community Care Center to get a pregnancy test done.
While I hoped I would find out that day. The nurses came in the room and told me they would be in contact with me in a couple days with my results. Nervous and scared in side, my body’s trembling. I became very sick to my stomach. I know Mothers day was coming around in a couple days and I would have to see my mom. Would I know before? If so would I be able to hide it? Mother Days is here and I still know nothing. Waiting by the phone, then it rings. Some women ask for me, then tells me she is the nurse from Linn Community Care Center. She then tells me what would for every change my life the result was positive.
There was no more denial now. I had to tell someone to help me though this. While scared of what my mom was going to say. I felt that she was the best person I could turn to. It was like the feeling of being in a dark tunnel trying to find the light at the end. I was now looking up to my mom to help me find the light. I called her up asked if we could do lunch. She agreed and we meet up at my favorite stop since I was little. While sitting there waiting like every, like an eternity for the food to come I finally got the balls to start talking. I was role playing this conversation out in my head over and over.
I finally said MOM I have something very important to tell you. And the next thing I heard was what I thought I was saying In my head. But it was my mom pulling the words right out my mouth. She already know. Scared waiting for what was coming next after my head nod assured her she was right. She just simply assured me no matter what I decided to do that she would help guide me in the right direction. The next week after I started working on setting up appointments, I still remember walking in though the big glass doors. Asking myself would I be walking out feeling better about all this or was I going to be more stressed?
Information after information being spilled out on the table. I started to feel over whelmed. But after I thought I had all my questions answer my next visit would only bring more. With my mom on my side with every step I finally know after the first doctor appointment that I could do this. But even all the support and information ,I find out I could never really be prepared. Now it was time for telling my father. The man of deal or no deal. Me being his only we are very close, his more like my best friend. But I could not tell him. Scare that my big news would be the biggest disappointment to him.
I went four months with out telling him and when it came out he didn’t hear it from me. I had asked my mom to tell him because I could bare to see the look on his face when he found out. While I thought me being pregnant was going to disappoint him he was more disappointed that I couldn’t tell him my self. But I made it though. I started going to church with my grandma. For those that do believe there is a god. Was this his way of telling me there is change in life, in a change that would also cause me heart ache though my troubles. Was this now his way of save my life? Or extend it? Only he will know and show me with in time.
